Educational Struggles II

I am tired. I feel the lowest of lows. I am both empty and full of sadness, disappointments and frustration. Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this?

If you haven’t read Part I, I suggest you would to better understand this post. Posting Results were released today. I hoped for the best but got back nothing in return. I wasn’t posted to any Polytechnic courses. I am, however, able to appeal, but to a mere 8 courses in 2 Polytechnics. I can only choose 3 courses as a final attempt to appeal to enter a course. As of this moment, I’m waiting for my appeal to be settled, but if things go south once more, my other choice of path is to enter a private school (e.g. Kaplan) as another way to get a diploma. If that too inexplicably fails, I don’t have much of a choice but to return to my homeland to pursue my education there.

So much undesirable events has occured in 2017. I want to stay positive but at this point I feel no hope is left for me. 

Be positive!

It’s not the end!

Things will get better!

I appreciate your kind words of encouragement, but it’s so easy for you to say that. Try walking a day in my shoes, try living this life and see if positivity is as attainable as you say. It pains me. It’s as if I’m not allowed to be sad because I have to be happy for my friends. 

I can’t believe I got into some stupid, useless course,

they complained as I admire how lucky they are to even be given a shot to continue their tertiary education. They say they’d rather drop out, while I’m here willing to take any course just so I can continue studying. I’m full of jealousy, shock and disbelief. 

What am I to do?

I’m stuck, and have been stuck, in a waiting game of Life itself.

I wish I could talk to more people on a personal level on how I’m coping, but it’s not like my friends cared enough to even reply to messages. What a way to add salt to my already-gushing wound. 

I feel so alone. 

I want to be able to rely on my friends to be there when I’m down in the dumps, but all I get is swept under the rugs as everyone continues on with the conversation on a different topic, overlapping with shallow small talk about themselves. I want to let out my sadness, but no one wants that kind of negativity around. All I can do is bubble it up.

It’s not that bad.

Yeah, easy for you to say. Nothing remotely devastating has happened to you that could well affect a significant part of your life. 

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